what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
