He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
