I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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