i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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