PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
