U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
