My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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