Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
