You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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