i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just high enough for therapy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize