she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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