I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
