I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
