I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
