apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize