I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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