is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
