New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize