My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
