She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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