Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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