the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
