You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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