The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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