Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
