two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize