You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
