Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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