Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
