The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
