p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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