He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
