Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
