Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
