I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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