im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
