Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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