I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
