my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
