are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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