just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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