I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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