I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
zippers are such a cool invention
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
