im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize