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Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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