what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
