i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
