Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you never un-have a 4some
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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