Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
