i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't turn off my feet"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
