Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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