I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
