well I can't set my house on fire every night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
