can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
