I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
