somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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