I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Can Purell be used as lube?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
