I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
