Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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