please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
