Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
