He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
