What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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