At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
