Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
