i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
