the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
