I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
