So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
