Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
