i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
