What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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