I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
