1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
