I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
