im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize