I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
