quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
