i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
