i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
