so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
