i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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