I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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