so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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