I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
