If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize