this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
