There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How's work?
Spinning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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